If we were to peel back the layers of what’s holding us together, I think we would find that in our core, we all just want to be known. Seen. Heard. But the vulnerability is scary.  You see, if one truly sees us and knows us, theres no masking the dirty, the unclean, the unholy selves that we all are. But what’s beautiful is that we all are sinful and scared and masked. Different, but so very alike in our mess. Strangers, but coming together as one. We tend to have a false misconception that our mess is the only mess and our sin is greater than hers or his, when in reality, our blood is one and we all fall short of the glory of God. If we only knew that in the midst of our loneliness, those rubbing shoulders with us are going through some sort of the same thing. Thankfully enough, He came to save and redeem and set us free to live a life of abundance! I don’t know about you, but when I think about abundant life, it’s not pictured as one covering oneself in shame or worry or fear, but instead, it’s a life of freedom and purpose and joy. 

So how do we truly live that life He so willingly gave us? I still have so much to learn in my life – I’ve barely lived it, but what I have come to find is that healing cannot happen when we are masked or hardened or hidden. The layers just keep coming, they keep hiding, and devastatingly enough, they will only keep paralyzing who we are meant to be. Who we are created to be. I find that it’s not easy for me to share the fullness of myself with people. Its much more comfortable to hide the bad parts and only show the good ones, but what good is that really doing to both me and to others? So I’ve found that I need a vessel, another source of sorts to help bring out the boldness so that I can begin (and continue) to peel back the layers. That vessel of course being Jesus. Spending time with Him in worship and prayer. Not only this but also rebuking the enemy in the area of hearing the lie that masking myself is better than my true self. I think sometimes we tend to get comfortable in our “quiet time” with him that we forget we are daily fighting a spiritual battle and we are called to take a stand against the enemies schemes. So speak loudly and boldly against the devil. Don’t let him have a foothold in your family or over your life. God’s given us the authority, let’s use it! 

I think I’ll always be able to remember our years of battling infertility. So much pain and heartache paired with growth and mercy and unending love. One of the countless things that this valley revealed of myself was that I unintentionally masked who I really was. I began to hide my pain. People would never know what we were going through because on the outside I was all smiles and carried the “all is good” lie, when inside, I was biting my lip to hold back the tears. Instead of letting people in, I found myself moving more and more toward isolation and if any of you like myself have experienced that loneliness,  you know as much as I do that is where the enemy finds his greatest footholds. But as the Lord sweetly tugs and reminds and whispers “come to me.” I came with my hurt and pain and questions and hardened heart. I came as I was, and what I found was the most beautiful thing. Healing in the midst of my pain. No, we didn’t receive our answered prayer right away, but I began to heal right there in the light of Jesus just as I was. I experienced my miracle of being fully known which gave me the freedom to let others see and know me. The layers began to peel away, walls breaking down, miracles happening. And then, my womb received the most precious TWO babes to grow. God is good everyone. Even in the midst of your mess, no, especially in the midst of your mess, he is good. Like I said, I still have so very much to learn, but one thing I hold to is the immeasurable healing and freedom and life that is found when we come to each-other, to our selves, to our spouses, and most importantly to our Maker, we come whole and without mask. We come opened handed, ready to receive our next miracle. We come in the beautiful wonder to be fully known. Just as we are. Oh, the life it allows us to live!